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:iconbrassteeth: More from brassteeth


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Submitted on
September 21, 2009
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I always slept on my left side and you on your right and when it was late and we had finished our daily tales, I would feel your breathing on my cheek. It would always reach a certain soft cadence and I would know you were dreaming then.

Now I sleep on my right side, so the last evening glimpse and the first grey morning scenes are the same, a faceless beige wall, flaking paint, crumbling brick.

I 've turned away from the unused pillow, away from the undisturbed sheets, each morning so rigid, cold and clean.

You’re not on your side of the bed anymore; instead you’ve been replaced,
by all of God’s hate.

Every day I awake now, just a little less alive.
..
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:iconypres:
I liked most of this, but there was one line that particularly grabbed me: "instead you've been replaced, by all of God's hate." That's a striking statement, and I think the most real one of the piece. Wonderful work.
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:iconbrassteeth:
thanks. With this poem, I kind of wanted to get inside the feelings of the widower. And its hard to feel Gods love, and very easy to feel like the whole world is against you, so thats that!

Thanks for your always positive support.
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:iconhanyoalchemist780:
HanyoAlchemist780 Oct 25, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
I think you nailed the feels of a widower perfectly.

This is very good, and quite emotional. =]
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:iconbrassteeth:
Thank you again, great feedback!
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:iconyouinventedme:
makes me think of this sad & wonderful song:
[link]

(you should download/listen to it)
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:iconbrassteeth:
nailed it...thanks for that...simple but effective..
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:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
terribly sad, amazingly expressed. a moving approach :heart:
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:iconbrassteeth:
Thanks...great feedback...
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
A very high level of emotional energy. :thumbsup:
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