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I always slept on my left side and you on your right and when it was late and we had finished our daily tales, I would feel your breathing on my cheek. It would always reach a certain soft cadence and I would know you were dreaming then.

Now I sleep on my right side, so the last evening glimpse and the first grey morning scenes are the same, a faceless beige wall, flaking paint, crumbling brick.

I 've turned away from the unused pillow, away from the undisturbed sheets, each morning so rigid, cold and clean.

You’re not on your side of the bed anymore; instead you’ve been replaced,
by all of God’s hate.

Every day I awake now, just a little less alive.
..
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:iconypres:
Ypres Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2009
I liked most of this, but there was one line that particularly grabbed me: "instead you've been replaced, by all of God's hate." That's a striking statement, and I think the most real one of the piece. Wonderful work.
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2009
thanks. With this poem, I kind of wanted to get inside the feelings of the widower. And its hard to feel Gods love, and very easy to feel like the whole world is against you, so thats that!

Thanks for your always positive support.
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:iconhanyoalchemist780:
HanyoAlchemist780 Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2009  Hobbyist Photographer
I think you nailed the feels of a widower perfectly.

This is very good, and quite emotional. =]
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2009
Thank you again, great feedback!
Reply
:iconyouinventedme:
YouInventedMe Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2009   Writer
makes me think of this sad & wonderful song:
[link]

(you should download/listen to it)
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2009
nailed it...thanks for that...simple but effective..
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:iconpiscesandthediamonds:
Piscesandthediamonds Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
terribly sad, amazingly expressed. a moving approach :heart:
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2009
Thanks...great feedback...
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
A very high level of emotional energy. :thumbsup:
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2009
Thanks...
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:icontingtingwindchimes09:
great work as usual! indeed it is very hard to be alone after you have had someone.
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009
Thanks heaps! Yep it is.

And thanks for the fave...
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:icontingtingwindchimes09:
no prob :)
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:iconfablewish:
FableWish Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You have serious talent; the words read flawlessly.
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009
Thanks very much. Nice of you to say.
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:iconfablewish:
FableWish Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009  Hobbyist Digital Artist
=)
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:iconultimateoutlaw:
UltimateOutlaw Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009
Raw and intense and tactile. Dig it.
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2009
:heart:
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:icontheterrorofthedeep:
TheTerrorOfTheDeep Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2009
as always, you're wonderful. i definitely like the first 2 paragraphs better
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:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2009
thanks champ,
yeh, it needs some work, just wanted the emotion over the words, wanted to keep it simple, thanks for the comment
Reply
:icontheterrorofthedeep:
TheTerrorOfTheDeep Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2009
yep
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