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Literature Text
i. Long-Distance
And so we stayed true
to that hormone laced
heart crossed
airport lounge
promise.
Cigarette nervous
yet stifled,
we parted
and vowed to love
the impossible
long-distance.
ii. Landlocked
Whispered words
hummed softly
these lurid tunes
cast vibrato
along the vast slouching wires
of our opposing
xenophobic
church pyre landscapes,
elongated pauses
manifest as false adoration,
loose, lonely,
despite the distance, our words
landlocked.
iii. Chemically enhanced to age
And we loved afar,
not by sky fetched satellites
or whimsical billboard technologies
nor a digital duality soon to cease
stripped of its glue backing,
but with perfumed letters,
languid messages
pressed fresh with star tittles,
and marked with the flourish
a fading and always false
memory,
trite tomes written
upon art-house parchments
chemically enhanced to age.
iv. Copenhagen
Until
the stoney steps of beating blood
retreated, ebbed
from the Danish clouds
across two summers (or more),
in an apexed,
chesttight moment
I knew you were gone,
lost even before the airport clutch
before our last touch
before we even met,
I knew you had become
foreign
to me.
And so we stayed true
to that hormone laced
heart crossed
airport lounge
promise.
Cigarette nervous
yet stifled,
we parted
and vowed to love
the impossible
long-distance.
ii. Landlocked
Whispered words
hummed softly
these lurid tunes
cast vibrato
along the vast slouching wires
of our opposing
xenophobic
church pyre landscapes,
elongated pauses
manifest as false adoration,
loose, lonely,
despite the distance, our words
landlocked.
iii. Chemically enhanced to age
And we loved afar,
not by sky fetched satellites
or whimsical billboard technologies
nor a digital duality soon to cease
stripped of its glue backing,
but with perfumed letters,
languid messages
pressed fresh with star tittles,
and marked with the flourish
a fading and always false
memory,
trite tomes written
upon art-house parchments
chemically enhanced to age.
iv. Copenhagen
Until
the stoney steps of beating blood
retreated, ebbed
from the Danish clouds
across two summers (or more),
in an apexed,
chesttight moment
I knew you were gone,
lost even before the airport clutch
before our last touch
before we even met,
I knew you had become
foreign
to me.
Literature
Vienna
their dead never crowded
my mind;
I never lurched beneath
the weight of
too many bones
that were not mine:
rather, a kind
of hesitant symmetry
began to overtake
the place,
to invade the narrow crevices
where, previously,
a doubt had been.
I've been wrong,
all this time:
they are not laying siege.
they are waiting for
the inexorable pull of entropy
to break me
just enough
Literature
Preoccupied
You come to me in
fits and starts,
moments stolen
between projects,
minutes spared
from more
important things.
Are you really so busy?
Or is it something more?
A fear, perhaps, that
should you taste
me too deeply,
the hours will spin
away beyond your
ability to catch them?
That your thoughts
will no longer heed
your rationality?
No? Shall we test it then?
Today, give me your
undivided attention -
just one day with me
in a quiet room
among clean, scented linens,
October breezes
fluttering the curtains
as bright morning slides
unnoticed into afternoon,
shadows growing unhurried
toward night.
Now, tell me again
ho
Literature
pentadactylism
you realize
and in so doing
something breaks.
every minute
you deign to make
some unknighted landfall
in a mime
of an irreversible
act;
all this time
wasted
going someplace.
when we’ve gathered up the last
of roadworthy flowers,
touched our final
sundance
in the skull
then
we’ll settle
on leaving . . .
or,
you’ll say
we’re still together
hungering in underboards
dog-fed on blood slivers, whiplash and improvidence.
why
do we pick at moments
to unlock their gnashing
guerrilla war?
i have no reason for what i want
just . . . be my collaborateur
my psalmist
my letterhead
be everything that is outl
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Sometimes we lose them to Denmark
© 2010 - 2024 brassteeth
Comments47
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I know you wanted a critique on this, but honestly there is very little I would change. The imagery is sharp and clear. Your vocab is masterful. The story is heart-wrenching.
My only niggle is the over abundance of commas. You've got them after a lot of line breaks, but the line break itself produces the pause the comma is meant to signify. For example:
Whispered words
hummed softly,
these lurid tunes
cast vibrato,
along the vast slouching wires
You could remove both commas in that section and the flow would be unchanged because the breaks are appropriately placed. If I were you, I'd revise your comma use so that you only use them when it is grammatically important to do so. It will improve the aesthetics of the piece greatly.
Also, this spot confused me a bit:
airport lounge
promise,
cigarette nervous
yet stifled,
we parted
"airport lounge promise" seems like it should be the end of one thought, so instead of a comma I expected a period. Are those two images supposed to be connected so closely? It just doesn't compute in my head right the way it is written.
Other than a bit of punctuation, I really would not change a thing. The short, choppy line breaks really made me slow down and enjoy the images and the story that unfolded was one I think many people can relate to on some level - particularly with the advent of the internet and all the dating "possibilities" it holds.
Excellent write. I'm sorry I can't offer a fuller critique, but then, that just means you've got a gem already.
My only niggle is the over abundance of commas. You've got them after a lot of line breaks, but the line break itself produces the pause the comma is meant to signify. For example:
Whispered words
hummed softly,
these lurid tunes
cast vibrato,
along the vast slouching wires
You could remove both commas in that section and the flow would be unchanged because the breaks are appropriately placed. If I were you, I'd revise your comma use so that you only use them when it is grammatically important to do so. It will improve the aesthetics of the piece greatly.
Also, this spot confused me a bit:
airport lounge
promise,
cigarette nervous
yet stifled,
we parted
"airport lounge promise" seems like it should be the end of one thought, so instead of a comma I expected a period. Are those two images supposed to be connected so closely? It just doesn't compute in my head right the way it is written.
Other than a bit of punctuation, I really would not change a thing. The short, choppy line breaks really made me slow down and enjoy the images and the story that unfolded was one I think many people can relate to on some level - particularly with the advent of the internet and all the dating "possibilities" it holds.
Excellent write. I'm sorry I can't offer a fuller critique, but then, that just means you've got a gem already.