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About Deviant Artist Premium Member Christopher MMale/Unknown Recent Activity
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Maria flat across the back seat half full needle of something rides shotgun
my plateless Dodge shakes through San Fran near dusk, I can see away
the building the white neon the cross, of all the miracles we might make it

reach back two fingers to her neck feel a pulse got it

Van Ness a steel snake a stigmata of coke cans pepper gutters, the leaving
sky clutches a final urgent burn my ribs a snapping cage for a demon trapped
heart pounding pounding. Maria always in my tilted rear-view eyes rolling back

hold on baby, hold on

back to road, banging the wheel radio barks me through the sharp theatre
of shadows that spring constant, sundown whores and homeless breathe
like humans under wheezy billboards blanket beds, traffic people everywhere
come on. come on.

reach back two fingers to the neck feel a pulse got it

more cars. shirts say Giants she stirs in the back pukes a green something
to the floor drops her head again, I think I scream hang on through spit
and salt and the hard flint night starts to soak up our going nowhere minutes
like a chemical.

too many songs. near the bridge a steel wall of horns and static metal and
I fall to a vision of carrying her in my arms the final mile towards the white cross
of the hospital, or howl for a siren on this very spot. calling for someone calling
the gods to send a better version of me

reach back two fingers feel a pulse got it

stopped too long I punch hard, glass sprays, scream from someone blood across
my face, my arm all snot and cuts - a different me knows today defines, slow drive
city grins, judges, weighs us both, deciding to complete the suffering. help help  
me wailing. turn to face Maria

baby its the traffic. cant make it

glass out and on my lap, someones coming, strangers towards the Dodge,
open my door I drop people with serious faces concerned strange eyes. the back
door of the Dodge opens, people, Maria on the road now surrounded I crawl
to her reach for her across angers of smashed shards

two fingers feel a pulse

two fingers feel a pulse…
O.D
Came about through reading the always thought provoking work of and a brief comment to the very fine: :iconthetaoofchaos:

An experiment in pace.

Submitted to :iconthewrittenrevolution:
Comments/Critique Link: comments.deviantart.com/1/1612…

working title: Urgency

How does the pace and format feel?
Does it add to the feeling of charge..?
Does the flow create urgency and make you read faster or does the lack of punctuations stop and start you?
How about the symbology and observations, any comments?
Loading...

Critiques

deviantID

brassteeth
Christopher M
Artist
The willows are thinking again about thickness,
slowness, lizard skin on hot rock,
and day by day this imagining transforms them
into what we see: dragons in leaf, draped scales
alongside the river of harried, spring-stirred silt.

Summer Grass

Roo Borson


Short Journey Upriver
Toward Oishida

Current Residence: Annahoriasticin
Favourite genre of music: Country or Western
Favourite style of art: Literature
Favourite cartoon character: God
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:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland
Oct 2, 2014
4:28 pm
:iconffleret:
ffleret
Oct 1, 2014
3:51 am
:iconfoxy-soul:
Foxy-Soul
Sep 26, 2014
2:39 am
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk
Sep 24, 2014
9:23 am
:iconiyraemm:
IyraEMM
Sep 23, 2014
11:09 pm

Quotes from the Masters

"Once there were brook trout in the streams in the mountains. You could see them standing in the amber current where the white edges of their fins wimpled softly in the flow. They smelled of moss in your hand. Polished and muscular and torsional. On their backs were vermiculate patterns that were maps of the world in its becoming. Maps and mazes. Of a thing which could not be put back. Not be made right again. In the deep glens where they lived all things were older than man and they hummed of mystery."

— Cormac McCarthy

Comments


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:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014
Christopher, it's never enough times for me to remind how much I appreciate your constant support of my work, and for the fave you bestowed on my poem, "Smooth Pebbles".  You left me a lovely comment on the poem's page but I had become ill and was in hospital and then spent many weeks at home recuperating (and still am but fortunately growing a little stronger, bit by bit) so I was never able to respond with a proper and grateful reply.  So please take this comment as part of that long-due reply, and my deep thanks to you.  :thanks:
Reply
:iconbloodshotink:
BloodshotInk Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2014
Hey, thanks for faving my recent DD Ironman. I really appreciate the support :eager:
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014   Writer
Thanks again!
Reply
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2014   Writer
<3 Thank you so much for the favorite.
Reply
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014   Writer
Thank you for the favorite. :heart:
Reply
:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2014
Thank you for writing it. I  think is is amongst your best.
Reply
:iconirrevocablefate:
IrrevocableFate Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014   Writer
Aw, but of course. :blush: Wow, thank you!
Reply
:iconscarlettletters:
Scarlettletters Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Professional Writer
Thanks very much for faving my work.
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014   Writer
Many thanks, my friend. Hope you're doing well.
Reply
:iconbrassteeth:
brassteeth Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2014
All good. Cheers.
Reply
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